Golf cover vs. Marmot Masher

Back in early December I wrote about my encounter with the coots. You may recall that I hit one of those ugly birds with my new hybrid club.  Ever since it has been called the “Coot Slayer.”

I had been wanting a driver to add to my meager collection of clubs. So for Christmas Dan got me a used club for a whopping  $59.00. He was skeptical I could use such a long club, so why spend a lot of money?  Smart thinking on his part!

The first day I took my club to the course I was playing in a foursome. Those poor people did not know the laughs they were in for. My friend had her bag well off to the side and was waiting for me to tee off. She had taken the squirrel cover off her driver and set it on top of the club. Oh, I hit the ball alright! I hit the squirrel in the head and knocked it off the club. I killed it! So my friends decided the driver needed a name. It is now known as the “Marmot Masher.”

Truth be told I am really quite good with this club now that I’ve learned to swing it correctly-well better than before. Golfing with me is an experience you will never forget. I provide great dinner table stories sure to entertain!

I’m a Golfer!

Yes, it’s official, I’m a retired golfer! With minimal hand- eye co-ordination, limited spatial vision, and fear of being hit by a ball, don’t you think I’ve picked the “just right” sport for me? I’ve never liked sports for the above obvious reasons, but the golf bug has bitten and I can’t get enough!  Golfing two days a week now with a lesson twice a month.

I’ve decided that if you dress the part, talk the part, and show up for early tee-times, you are officially a golfer! As a reminder, I only golf executive 9- hole courses for now, but my 2017 goals have been set to expand my field of play.

Dan and the kids got me set with a requested 6 iron, new pink balls, tees, and a towel that wasn’t white. My mother-in-law gave me money so I quickly headed for Golf-mart to purchase a driver, a new bag, shoes (hated the old ones), 2 new shirts, and a new hybrid cover. Thanks family!

Today, I played 18 holes for the first time since July (still an executive course with only 4 par 3’s). Oh what a day! Fantastic shots and putts! Of 18 holes my putts were all ones or two’s! But the best part….wait for it…img_6840

I smacked my friend’s squirrel driver cover!  Yes, knocked it off the club and to the ground. Never used a driver until today, so control is still a bit of an issue, but this was a beautiful shot! Who else could have nailed that?  Now I have to give this club a name. Remember my hybrid is now the Coot Slayer (see earlier post), so this new club needs an equally awesome name. I am open to suggestions. We all got a great laugh. Maybe you had to be there, I don’t know.

I’m hoping Dan is going to want to play golf with me now that I’m improving so much. Perhaps I won’t mention this incident though!

Morning Golf vs. The Coots

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There is little better than an unhurried day on a beautifully manicured golf course that you only had to pay $10 for 9 holes of golf. Ah, retired golf. Little did I know when the day began, just how interesting  the morning was going to be.

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It started with deciding to hit a few balls at the range to warm up because I was really feeling stiff and it was cold outside. So, I paid for a little buck of balls, got my coded slip of paper to take over to the kiosk to get the bucket. To my utter surprise when I stood at the kiosk there was a magnifying glass hanging on a cord. Huh! What was that for? Then it dawned on me, it was there to ‘assist’ with reading the small coded number you punch into the key pad that allows you to get the balls! LOL. Guess golf really is a retired persons sport! Which begs the question, “Can golfers see well enough to hit the ball and not kill anyone?”

This should have been a clue to how the morning would unfold. My golfing buddy arrived and off to the first hole we went. And what do we find hovering all around the tee area? A was a small covert of coots. Coots are these funny little black birds with white beaks and odd feet. They fear little, so were non-pulsed when I was setting up. It appears that the coots wanted to hang out right in front of the tee area and had no real intentions of leaving. I’m ready to go and they still weren’t moving so… I got out my hybrid club and in typical first swing fashion, hit a breakfast ball! img_6666Yes, it landed almost in front of me and smacked a coot! Those of you who know me well know I am no fan of birds, but I did hope I didn’t kill one of the little guys. Fortunately it shook off the smacking and wandered off with the rest of the covert. My repeat shot was much better. The club has a nickname now: The Coot Slayer! My score was better than usual, so I’d say it was a banner day. Can’t wait for next week’s game. You just may hear more about the exploits of the Coot Slayer club!

Breakfast Ball

breakfast-ballIt’s 7:30 am and time to make that first swing off the tee. Now, I am barely awake at this hour and to try to actually hit that tiny ball is going to be a challenge for me. The gal I play with has a wonderful sense of humor and great compassion for this very novice golfer. So, on this morning my first swing doesn’t go overly far (yes, I lifted my head) and where does it land? Of course, right next to a squirrel hole! Now complete with a dusting of sand, my little fluorescent pink ball sits perched on the grass ready to challenge me for another swing. This is what we call a ‘breakfast ball.’ My sweet friend gave it to me, but I did not accept the do over…I saved it for what I knew would be another bad shot sometime during the game.

Being over sixty is not the best age to pick up this sport! I am terrible at this game as I have little hand-eye coordination. I am not athletic. I can never remember if the club number is higher, it goes farther or is it the other way around. I don’t have the stamina for 18 holes. I don’t like getting sweaty in summer golf, BUT I LOVE the game!

I love the outdoors and the fact that each hole is like a brand new game. I love golf carts. I love the cute golf clothes. I love my pretty pink golf club grips. But most of all, I have FUN! I don’t care that I’m terrible. I don’t care what my score is. I can laugh at those ‘air swings’ and the hits where it looks more like bowling than golfing.

I have a small selection of clubs; but let’s face it, I can barely use what I have. My bag has a 9, 8, 7, P, S, a hybrid 4.5 and a putter. The hybrid doesn’t like me…and I don’t care for it either…too heavy. But I drag it out from time to time. When I hit into the 30’s I get to have a 3 iron! How’s that for a goal?!

Want to know how bad a golfer I am? Well, on a par 3 executive 9 hole course I can score from a 41 to a 53! Now that is just awful, I know. But watch out! With golf lessons and playing twice a week I just might break 40! I’ve experience two birdies and half a dozen pars. My objective now, is no 6’s and to try to always 2 putt.

Retired golf is the best!!! So glad I found this sport.

Dan the Man

Another almost retired morning when I get to go play golf. Tee time at Riverwalk was 8:22; perfect day, no one one the course and perfect weather. Our foursome was ready for some fun. One of the guys shot a 36 on the front nine. A perfect score! No chance I could do that!! But, I did manage to get a bunch of pars and a birdie. Oh yes, there were only three bad holes. Usually I hit around 100 so this was a great day!